Grief & Loss Support

What is Grief?

Simply defined, grief is the normal and natural reaction to significant emotional loss of any kind.

Grief isn’t a pathological condition or a personality disorder, but society says there is something wrong with you if you aren’t happy all of the time.

Did you know we will experience 43 losses in our lifetime?

While we never compare losses, any list would include death and divorce as obvious painful losses. But a grief list also includes many others: retirement, moving, pet loss, financial challenges, health issues, etc.

The range of emotions associated with grief is as varied as there are people and personalities. There is no list of feelings that would adequately describe one person’s emotions, much less an entire society.

Grief is individual and unique.

As every relationship is unique, so are the feelings and thoughts each person will have abut the relationship that has been altered by death, divorce, or for other reasons.

The Problem

While grief is normal and natural, most of the information passed on within our society about dealing with grief is not normal, natural, or helpful.

Grief is the emotional response to loss, but most of the information we have learned about dealing with the loss is intellectual.

No one can ever know exactly how you feel because no one else has gone through your exact experience. The most common things people hear following a loss are often not helpful, including we know how you feel and it just takes time. 

Time alone does not heal heartache.

Many people come to see me with broken hearts over deaths and significant losses that happened over 20 years ago. It’s not time that heals, but what you do in that time.

The majority of incorrect ideas about dealing with loss can be summed up in six myths which are so common that nearly everyone recognizes them. Most people have never questioned whether or not they are valid. 

Six Grief Myths

• Time Heals All Wounds
• Grieve Alone
• Be Strong
• Don’t Feel Bad
• Replace The Loss
• Keep Busy

The myth “time heals” suggests that a person only has to wait and they will feel better.

We have known people who have waited 10, 20, 30, and 40 years and still didn’t feel better. And we know that they would tell you that not only had time not healed them, it compounded the pain.

The other five myths carry equally unhelpful messages.